Funny Instagram Quotes

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You might not believe it, but there’s a lot of wit on Instagram. If you can wade through the duckfaces, boring landscapes, and inexplicable pictures of food, there are some real gems of humor. Fortunately, we have done the sifting for you: with no further ado, here are some of the funniest quotes found on Instagram.

  1. “There’s a fine line between a tan, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.” — Anonymous
  2. “I hate when I got to a restaurant and the waiter asks if I would like a table. It’s like ‘no, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for five please.'” — The Relatable Blog
  3. “If you’re wrong and shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and shut up, you’re married.” — Anonymous
  4. “I advise you not to mess with me. I know karate, kung fu, judo, taekwondo, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words” — Jackie Chan
  5. “When people see me sitting down with my eyes closed, they always ask “are you sleeping?” They only do it once though, because I say ‘No, I’m training to die.'” — Anonymous
  6. “Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police” — BenduKiawu
  7. “May you have more birthdays than 90% of the people in ‘Game of Thrones'” — Anonymous
  8. “My mind says Victoria’s Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, pizza, food.” — Gabriel Iglesias.
  9. “‘I hate it when people see me in the supermarket and are like ‘what are you doing here.’ ‘I’m hunting elephants, what about you?'” — Anonymous
  10. “‘I love how in movies the person yells out ‘hello?’ Like the killer’s going to say ‘I’m in the kitchen, you want a sandwich?'” — Stephen King
  11. Girl A: “Boys who can pull off facial hair are hot.”                                                                                                                                                                 Girl B: “I think you are supposed to use a razor.”–Smile 98

Image by : Jason Howie

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