What to Write in Happy Anniversary Cards for Terrible Couples

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While most couples find that their spouses make them better people, we all know couples that embody the opposite: for whatever reason, two unlikeable, obnoxious, or just plain unpleasant people find themselves drawn together and amplify one another’s lack of charm. That being said, social obligations are what they are and we still have to send these couples happy anniversary cards. Here are some deliciously snarky things to put in them, to make sure that the couple in question gets the message:

  1. “Here’s hoping that someday you’ll both be able to look back on your relationship, awkwardly laugh, and change the subject.”
  2. “Congrats on your continued monogamy… so he/she thinks, eh?” (The second part should, of course, be on the inside of the card, in order to heighten the couple’s romantic experience of opening the card together.)
  3. “Congratulations on surviving another year of terminal cancer. Wedded bliss, I mean.”
  4. “Thanks for proving to me that you don’t have to be attractive to find a husband/wife.”
  5. “Congratulations for your continuing marriage, and my condolences for your inevitable legal fees.”
  6. “Just keep looking. One day you’ll find the one.”
  7. “Happy Anniversary! Enjoy the next few years of wedded bliss.”
  8. “Dear Spouse 1, I just wanted to thank you again for taking in Spouse 2 despite his/her multiple children, gambling habit, rampant alcoholism, abrasive personality, and the suspicious death of his/her former spouse. It was very sweet of you, and I wish you the best.”
  9. “Great job carrying on your marriage for so long! God knows I got bored of him/her quick.”
  10. “Happy Anniversary! I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”

Image Source : Tracy B.

 

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